The hospital

The band-aid on my heart
that stopped the flow
of painful thoughts throughout,
has been tastelessly ripped off. 

I hate the nurse,
whom feeds me poison,
has me cursed;
but I can’t help but stay and hurt.

I hate the patient next to me,
who’s lavished in gold,
they’re new to the ward,
but already already treated as a god.

But, maybe the poison isn’t so bad,
as long as the other inmates get gold and silver,
I’d be happy to die here and wither.

I was once the doctor,
we were partners in crime,
but she thought it’d be better if I were to die,
so here I am, poisoned and cursed,
a fun little experiment for the nurse.
                

Also about my ex-girlfriend. I wrote it a couple weeks after things ended between us; the night before she had messaged me telling me she found someone else and that genuienly killed me. The moment she told me that, something stupid inside of me snapped and I confronted her about our relationship and everything that happened. I'll spare the details of what did happen and what we said, but we spent the whole night talking about it, and at like 3am we just started playing minecraft together cuz I think neither of us could let go of the fact that it'd be our last time spending meaningful time together.

Honestly, even now I look back at these moments and cherish them, even though they were so fucking dark. My emotions forget of the manipulation, the dishonesty, her suicide attempt, my suicide attempt. It just remembers the few and far-between moments where we genuienly loved and cherised each other. I don't know if that's a good thing or not; I guess it's better than having the awful taste of blood haunt you.